The Best Fishing Jokes on the Internet !
Showing 1-10 of 69 fishing jokes ranked by jokes rating
A blonde decides to go fishing....
A blonde decides to go fishing.
She stopped fishing when she caught a huge one. She was already too tired to carry it.
12th Feb 2004
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out ..
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite
He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck.
Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer.
"Son" he said, "I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."
"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying."
The boy spat the bait into his hand and said... "You have to keep the worms warm!"
16th Dec 2002
Reasons Why Boats Are Better Than Women: ...
Reasons Why Boats Are Better Than Women:
Boats only need their fluids changed every year.
Boats curves never sag.
Boats last longer.
Boats don't get pregnant.
You can ride a Boat any time of the month.
Boats don't have parents.
Boats don't whine unless something is really wrong.
You can share your Boat with your friends.
If your Boat makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
You only need to get a new belt for your Boat when the old one is really worn.
If your Boat smokes, you can do something about it.
Boats don't care about how many other Boats you have ridden.
When riding, you and your Boat both arrive at the same time.
Boats don't care about how many other Boats you have.
Boats don't mind if you look at other Boats, or if you buy Boating magazines.
If your Boat is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.
You can have a beer while riding your Boat.
You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Boat.
You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Boat.
You don't have to convince your Boat that you're a Boater and that you think that all Boats are equals.
If you say bad things to your Boat, you don't have to apologise before you can ride it again.
You can ride a Boat as long as you want and it won't get sore.
Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Boat after you dump it.
Boats always feel like going for a ride.
Boats don't insult you if you are a bad boater.
Boats don't care if you are late.
You don't have to take a shower before riding your Boat.
It's always ok to use tie downs on your Boats.
If your Boat doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
You can't get diseases from a Boat you don't know very well.
16th Dec 2002
An American investment banker was at the pier of .
An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.
Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."
The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"
The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."
The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise."
The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years."
"But what then?" asked the Mexican.
The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."
16th Dec 2002
Q. Why are fish so smart?
Q. Why are fish so smart
A. Because they swim in schools!
29th Jan 2003
A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern ...
A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious.
The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"What fish?" the man asked.
19th Dec 2002
Heard the one about the three blondes that went ..
Heard the one about the three blondes that went ice fishing and didn't catch anything?
By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home.
29th Jan 2003
I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me,
Two guys are talking about fishing. One says to the other, "I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!"
"That bad, huh"
"She did everything wrong! She did everything wrong! She talked too much, made the boat rock constantly, tried to stand up in the boat, baited the hook wrong, used the wrong lures and WORST of all she caught more fish than me!"
29th Jan 2003
A woman goes into a shop to buy a rod and reel as
A woman goes into a shop to buy a rod and reel as a gift
She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter where there's a shop assistant wearing dark shades. "Excuse me sir" she says "can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
The assistant replies "Ma'am I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."
She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.
He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's only $20.00".
The lady said, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind big-time. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her...being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The assistant rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"
"Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, but the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50."
29th Jan 2003
What do you call a deaf fishing boat captain?. .
What do you call a deaf fishing boat captain?
Anything you like, he can't hear you.
29th Jan 2003
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