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Showing 1-10 of 69 fishing jokes ranked by jokes rating

1.

A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover ...

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Fishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 Star



A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope.

"That's what I like to see," said the priest, "A man helping his fellow man."

As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well, he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing."



Anonymous

16th Dec 2002

JokesID: 4

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2.

Reasons Why Boats Are Better Than Women: ...

Jokes Rating:

Fishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 Star



Reasons Why Boats Are Better Than Women:

Boats only need their fluids changed every year.

Boats curves never sag.

Boats last longer.

Boats don't get pregnant.

You can ride a Boat any time of the month.

Boats don't have parents.

Boats don't whine unless something is really wrong.

You can share your Boat with your friends.

If your Boat makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.

You only need to get a new belt for your Boat when the old one is really worn.

If your Boat smokes, you can do something about it.

Boats don't care about how many other Boats you have ridden.

When riding, you and your Boat both arrive at the same time.

Boats don't care about how many other Boats you have.

Boats don't mind if you look at other Boats, or if you buy Boating magazines.

If your Boat is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.

You can have a beer while riding your Boat.

You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Boat.

You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Boat.

You don't have to convince your Boat that you're a Boater and that you think that all Boats are equals.

If you say bad things to your Boat, you don't have to apologise before you can ride it again.

You can ride a Boat as long as you want and it won't get sore.

Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Boat after you dump it.

Boats always feel like going for a ride.

Boats don't insult you if you are a bad boater.

Boats don't care if you are late.

You don't have to take a shower before riding your Boat.

It's always ok to use tie downs on your Boats.

If your Boat doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.

You can't get diseases from a Boat you don't know very well.



Anonymous

16th Dec 2002

JokesID: 15

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3.

An American investment banker was at the pier of .

Jokes Rating:

Fishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 Star



An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.

Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."

The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"

The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."

The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years."

"But what then?" asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions?...Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."



Anonymous

16th Dec 2002

JokesID: 16

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4.

Mother to daughter advice:Cook a man a fish ..

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Fishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 Star



Mother to daughter advice:

Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.

But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.



Anonymous

16th Dec 2002

JokesID: 24

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5.

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river .

Jokes Rating:

Fishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 Star



Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde,"we aren't fishing. All we have are magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the ottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!"



Anonymous

16th Dec 2002

JokesID: 25

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6.

Q. Why are fish so smart?

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Fishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 Star



Q. Why are fish so smart

A. Because they swim in schools!



Anonymous

29th Jan 2003

JokesID: 35

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7.

A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern ...

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Fishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 Star



A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."

"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious.

The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" the man responded.

"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.

"Call who back?" the man asked.

"The FISH"

"What fish?" the man asked.



Anonymous

19th Dec 2002

JokesID: 29

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8.

Heard the one about the three blondes that went ..

Jokes Rating:

Fishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 Star



Heard the one about the three blondes that went ice fishing and didn't catch anything?

By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home.



Anonymous

29th Jan 2003

JokesID: 36

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9.

An Irish priest loved to fly fish.....

Jokes Rating:

Fishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 Star



An Irish priest loved to fly fish, it was an obsession of his. So far this year the weather had been so bad that he hadn't had a chance to get his beloved wadders on and his favourite flies out of their box

Strangly though, every Sunday the weather had been good, but of course Sunday is the day he has to go to work.

The weather forcast was good again for the coming Sunday so he called a fellow priest claiming to have lost his voice and be in bed with the flu. He asked him to take over his sermon.

The fly fishing priest drove fifty miles to a river near the coast so that no one would recognise him. An angel up in Heaven was keeping watch and saw what the priest was doing. He told God who agreed that he would do something about it.

With the first cast of his line a huge fish mouth gulped down the fly. For over an hour the priest ran up and down the river bank fighting the fish. At the end when he finally landed the monster size fish it turned out to be a world record Salmon.

Confused the angel asked God, "Why did you let him catch that huge fish? I thought you were going to teach him a lesson."

God replied "I did. Who do you think he's going to tell?"



Anonymous

29th Jan 2003

JokesID: 40

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10.

A guy rings his boss and says "I can

Jokes Rating:

Fishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 StarFishing Jokes Rating:  2.9 Star



A guy rings his boss and says "I can't come to work today

The boss asks why and the guy says "it's my eyes."

"What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss.

"I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..."



Anonymous

29th Jan 2003

JokesID: 48

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