The Best Fishing Jokes on the Internet !
Showing 41-50 of 69 fishing jokes ranked by jokes rating
The manager of a small business and his secretary
The manager of a small business and his secretary decided to go over to her place for some "gymnastics". Afterwards, they both fall asleep
When the manager wakes up and looks at his watch, he discovers that it is after 8 o'clock in the evening.
He jumps up in a panic wondering what he's going to say to his wife. He tells the secretary to quickly take his shoes out into the yard and rub them around in the grass. Then he finishes dressing and goes home.
When the man opens the door to the house, his wife is standing in the doorway fuming and asks him where the hell he's been until 8:30 in the evening?
The man calmly replies that he and his secretary are having an affair and that they had fallen asleep after going to her place this afternoon.
His wife looked at him very carefully and when she saw the state of his shoes, she exclaimed: "You liar, you've been FISHING!"
29th Jan 2003
A man was surf fishing along the beach when he ...
A man was surf fishing along the beach when he found a bottle. He looked around but didn't see anyone so he opened it
A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you any wish, but I can only grant one."
The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii and fish along the beautiful beaches of Hawaii. I've never been able to go because I cannot fly. Airplanes are much too frightening for me. On a boat, I see all that water and I become very claustrophobic. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a few minutes and finally said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the piling needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Imagine all the pavement needed. No, that really is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a few minutes and then told the genie, "There is one other thing I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with, when they want attention, when they don't. Basically, what makes them tick."
The genie thought for a while and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"
29th Jan 2003
A taxidermist was driving through Arkanas when he though he would stop at a local bar and have a beer.The locals didn't like outsiders in their bar and when he entered he was greeted with dirty stares and low mumbles.
He went to the bartender and ask for a beer.The bartender looked the man over and than went to get his beer. When the bartender returned with his beer he asked the man "what do you do?"
The man replied "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender replied "Taxidermist? what is that."
The man replied "Well,I mount animals,birds,and fish."
With that said the bartender turned to the other men in the bar and said "It's ok boys he's one of us".
7th Nov 2003
Two fishermen were talking about the good old days....
One says, "when I was a kid there were so many fish here I could always catch a few."
The other says, "when I was a kid here we used a horse and cart and got enough fish to sell at the market."
"How did you do that then?"
"Well, we had this good old horse and we used to back the cart down into the water and put treacle on his tail. The flies got stuck in the treacle and when the fish jumped out of the water for the flies that good old horse just kicked them into the cart. We had a load of fish in no time!"
20th Nov 2003
This fisherman goes to the river to check an illegal fish trap that he owns. He looks around to make sure there are no Fishing Inspectors about and proceeds to pull the fish trap out to check it.
An Inspector steps out of the bushes, "Ahha!" he said and the fisherman spun around and yelled "Shiiiit!". The Inspector, who wasn't expecting such a response said "Settle down, I'm the Fishing Inspector". "Thank God for that" said the fisherman, "I thought you were the bugger who owned this fish trap".
10th Dec 2003
There were these two men fishing. one was ...
There were two men fishing on the river one day. One was catching all these fish and the other wasn't catching anything.
The man not catching any fish walked over and asked what the other guy was using for bait.
The fisherman reeled in his bait and said "river otter."
22nd Mar 2004
"Do you really believe your husband when he ...
"Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked Jane's best friend.
"Why shouldn't I?" said Jane.
"Well, maybe he is having an affair?"
"No way" said Jane "he never returns with any fish..."
16th Dec 2002
Two morons rent a boat and go fishing.They ...
Two morons rent a boat and go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore.
1st moron: I hope you remember the spot where we caught all those fish.
2nd moron: Yes, I made an 'X' on the side of the boat to mark the spot.
1st moron: You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?
16th Dec 2002
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you ?"
"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."
"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. That's what she'd like for supper tonight."
16th Dec 2002
Henry's son, David, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was.
"Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away."
"Now come on, David," his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off."
"But that's just what I did, mommy."
16th Dec 2002
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