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Showing 41-50 of 69 fishing jokes ranked by worst jokes

41.

An American investment banker was at the pier of .

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An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.

Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."

The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"

The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."

The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years."

"But what then?" asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions?...Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."



Anonymous

16th Dec 2002

JokesID: 16

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42.

Why fishing is better than making love:

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Why fishing is better than making love

* When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good
- If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.

* Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither.
- And don't want to know how many other fish you caught.

* In fishing you lie about the one that got away.
- In loving you lie about the one you caught.

* You can catch and release a fish. You don't have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.

* You don't necessarily have to change your line to keep catching fish.

* You can catch a fish on a 20-cent frozen squid.
- If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.

* Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.



Anonymous

16th Dec 2002

JokesID: 17

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43.

The Three Fishermen and the Mermaid ...

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The Three Fishermen and the Mermaid

Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered them one wish each so the first fisherman said: "double my I.Q" so the mermaid did it and to his surprise he started reciting shakespeare.

Then the second fisherman said: "triple my I.Q." and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn't know existed.

The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I.Q and the mermaid said "Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!" the fisherman said "yes" so the mermaid turned him into a woman...



Anonymous

16th Dec 2002

JokesID: 22

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44.

Old man rocking on his porch sees a young kid and

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An old man rocking on his porch sees a young kid and his fishing pole walking down the dirt road. "Where you goin' with that pole?" he calls. "Gonna git me some fish with this here fishing pole!" answers the kid. Sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with a bucket of fish.

Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some duct tape. "Where you goin' with that?" he calls. "Gonna git me some ducks with this here tape!" answers the kid. "You can't git no ducks with tape!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the tape strung out behind him and ducks stuck all over it!

Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some chicken wire. "Where you going with that?" he calls. "Gonna get me some chickens with this wire!" answers the kid. "You can't get no chickens with wire!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the wire strung out behind him and chickens stuck all through it!

Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some pussy willows. "Now hold on just a minute" calls the old man, "wait while I get my hat!!"



Anonymous

16th Dec 2002

JokesID: 23

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45.

Mother to daughter advice:Cook a man a fish ..

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Mother to daughter advice:

Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.

But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.



Anonymous

16th Dec 2002

JokesID: 24

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46.

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river .

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Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde,"we aren't fishing. All we have are magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the ottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!"



Anonymous

16th Dec 2002

JokesID: 25

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47.

"What

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"What's the biggest fish you ever caught?"

"That would be the one that measured fourteen inches...."

"That's not so big!"

"Between the eyes?"



Anonymous

16th Dec 2002

JokesID: 26

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48.

Which fish can perform operations ?

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Q. Which fish can perform operations?

A. A Sturgeon !



Anonymous

16th Dec 2002

JokesID: 27

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49.

A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern ...

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A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."

"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious.

The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" the man responded.

"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.

"Call who back?" the man asked.

"The FISH"

"What fish?" the man asked.



Anonymous

19th Dec 2002

JokesID: 29

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50.

I think the only reason my husband likes to go ...

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I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"



Anonymous

19th Dec 2002

JokesID: 33

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